One of the oddest parts of this experience is that occasionally I am fully aware of how irrational, disproportionate and unkind my reaction is in the very moment of my reaction. Yet I don't stop. I keep on sulking or angrily responding.
Thankfully others are quick to forgive my outbursts. I've learned to show myself grace in these situations as well, despite my disappointment with myself. These reactions have piqued my curiosity about times where we act one way, knowing full well we should act differently and even wanting to act differently. It's as if I'm acting out a dramatization of Paul's words in Romans 7, watching myself do what I don't want to do.
It's amazing to think that we have the power to be different. That we don't have to succumb to our rebellious, prideful, stubborn,
My emotional reactions during pregnancy are an amplification of my non-pregnant tendencies and reveal a lot about myself. While I may not like the picture they sometimes paint, I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn from it for the future.