Previously I mentioned September had its moments of sadness. To be more specific, I had my second consecutive miscarriage two weeks ago. I was 7 weeks pregnant.
Originally I wasn't going to blog about this. It's so personal. The blog is so....well, public. I was swayed as I reflected on how often miscarriages happen versus how frequently we talk about it. The stats vary dramatically, but conservative estimates say 1 out of every 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. While I don't want to be a fear-monger, it's a stat worth knowing.
Once you've had one, fellow miscarriers pour out of the woodworks with sympathy, stories of hope and of grief. Now I'm part of those numbers. I wouldn't want someone to feel alone in their own miscarriage.
The other reason I wasn't intending to blog about this is because of the question I dread. "How are you doing?" I have no clue how to answer this. I had a miscarriage. It was pretty miserable. I was quite surprised (despite the numbers I just quoted). I was sad. I'm still sad at times. But I'm not overwhelmed by grief. I'm not on the verge of tears...at least not right now. I'm moving on.
I'm realizing I don't know how to grieve very well. I can intellectually tell you a lot of reasons why, in the big picture, life is good. I'm a big picture person. These reasons are very compelling to me. Reconciling the immediate with the long term view of life is difficult for me. It leaves me awkwardly speechless at, "How are you doing?"
So know it's not you, it's me. And as I plough through what grief looks like, I'm gratefully giving Desmond extra hugs and kisses. Thank goodness he's not too cool for them....yet.
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5 comments:
Thank you for sharing, Kay. It seems to be such a taboo topic. It is personal, but it affects so many. I love you, and you know I understand.
I love you, KK, and I think it's ridiculous that I haven't seen you in so long! Know that I'll be praying for you.
I know what you mean about not knowing what to share on a blog. It is sort of like a Christmas letter. I always struggle with sending out a cute smiling picture. I want to put the disclaimer: "I'm not trying to say our lives aren't messy, it is just too complicated to get into on a photo card and I would like to give you the chance to see my cute kids." I appreciate you sharing on the blog, though. I'm sorry you've had to experience this and I will be praying for you.
Beautifully written, Katharine. Grief is one of the craziest emotions and no two people experience it the same way. We love you guys!
It's difficult for me to know how to 'be there' for you through something like this, but know that however you need it, I'm there. I don't know if you realize just how much, but you are so loved and admired by so many of us. Love ya, friend!
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