How It Came Off

Our friends Sarah and Graham Marsden came over to commemorate the event. They snapped photos and gave me moral support while Peter manned the buzzer.

Desmond still recognizes this as a photo of "mama."

Need more ponytails. Can't waste any hair that will be donated.

Snip, snip, they're falling!

Surreal. I never wanted to turn back, but that didn't dull the shock and
nervousness flowing through my whole body.

Bring on the sas (not that kind of SAS). I've never had really short hair before.
Maybe this photo is a foretaste of what is to come.

Should I go European?

Nah, take it all off!

Our feet share an intimate moment.

It's done! I felt liberated and exhilarated.

The people with the least hair in our home.
Now to practice with the make-up so people know I do actually have eyebrows.

P.S. Check out Graham and Sarah's fantastic work as Marsden Media!

The Big Shave

Before

Have you ever had a crazy yet attainable dream you wished you had the guts to live out? For me, it was shaving my head. It's unexpected. It defies social norms. It is fun! (hopefully...)

A few weeks ago I told Peter that I should stop toying with the idea and just put it to rest. I wasn't going to shave my head ever and I should get over it. He surprised me by saying I should seriously consider it. I suspect that at first he was just calling my bluff, but true to form, he stood by his words and was genuinely supportive. After a few helpful conversations with some friends, I decided to take the plunge.

After!

I'm not much of a risk taker, but this is a great risk for me. It's not trivial, but it does eventually un-do itself. Motherhood helps you realize life is comprised of phases, which makes it easier to take on a big change. It's only a phase that will eventually pass.

So in addition to hearing about Desmond and my random thoughts on life, I'll now give an occasional reflection on my journey to shave my head and grow it back!

But I STILL love technology. Always and forever.

What goes on in that little head?

When I was little my grandparents would record messages or read books on cassette tapes and mail them to me. My sister and I would send them tapes back. Back then it was a modern twist on the pen-pal concept.

Fast-forward a few decades to the world of Skype. Desmond loves to Skype. He knows most of the sounds and makes sad noises when he hears someone go offline. He's learning family members' names from Skyping with them. He knows which people show him the clocks in their house, which read books to him online, etc. He can tell when a conversation is ending and sometimes pre-empts us with is own "bye-bye."

Maybe Skyping is like the telephone was to me as a kid, except with a moving picture. I don't know how he makes sense of all the things he sees on the computer, but he's definitely integrating it into his understanding of the universe.

Happy Thoughts - Part 3

More Happy Thoughts. (Part 1 and Part 2)

1. Little boys with mohawks
   
2. People feeling at home in your house
3. Putting on high heels
4. Taking off high heels
5. Chopping vegetables, especially without distractions
6. Watching Desmond learn to walk and talk
   
7. Successfully applying mascara on the first try
8. A hairbrush against your scalp after taking your ponytail down
9. Watching the sunlight change throughout the morning in my kitchen window
10. Getting through a workout you didn't think you could do
11. Lentils and burnt onions
12. Shocking people....more to come on this one
    

Scoobabber and Skype

Desmond is at a really fun stage where he's doing all kinds of things that are interesting and cute to me because I know they are new. I'm not sure how fun they are for the rest of the world (minus grandparents and aunts, of course). That's why I haven't written about them much, but I'm going to try. Hopefully I'll improve in the art of toddler story-telling.

Peter worked on the basement one afternoon this weekend. We let Desmond roam around while I kept an eye on him. He was fascinated by Peter and was trying to imitate everything. If Peter used a hammer, Desmond wanted to try. If Peter blew sawdust off a drill hole, Desmond walked around blowing dust off things. He loved the real tools, which was a bit stressful. This also precipitated his first three syllable word, "scoobabber," which is screwdriver for those of you who don't speak Desmond-ese.

Desmond-ese also contains "tao" as telephone, "up" as down, "up" as up, "fuk" a fork. Very cute.

Peter likes to build block towers and Desmond likes to knock them down. A good symbiotic relationship.

He has an obsession for keys and telephones. It now extends to toothbrushing. We let him stand on the rug in our bathroom and "brush his teeth" with an adult toothbrush while we brush ours. Some of his worst meltdowns come when it's time to put the toothbrush away. He must be my child, as I'm a bit obsessed with clean teeth.

I'm grateful for that reassurance because he's also figured out how to put a lid on his sippy cup. I am severely lid-impaired; it's almost embarrassing. Maybe he didn't inherit all of my faults.

I must vacuum and sweep a lot, because he also loves the broom and vacuum cleaner. When I'm vacuuming he wedges himself between me and the vacuum and insists on helping. When I sweep the kitchen, he squats over the pile of dirt and says, "Dirty, dirty, dirty." I know he will eventually be embarrassed to do what his mom does, but for now, I'm grateful.

I have to harness this willingness while it lasts!

The only TV he really watches is Duke basketball games. When a game is on in the afternoon, we sometimes watch it as a family. Desmond now has the right inflection of "Let's Go Duke" and can say "Duke." It's really cute when he says it to himself while trying to fall asleep. (I've tried to get it on video. He refuses to say it while I'm filming, but babbles away after I turn off the camera.) Unfortunately, he's still very impressionable. Uncle Chris had Des saying "Terp" with only 10 minutes of coaching.

As with basement work, Desmond also tried to imitate Peter juggling limes. Have I used "cute" enough yet in this post?

We Skype a lot with family. Since learning how to climb into chairs, Des will climb into the computer chair, say, "Skype, Skype" and sing the Skype connection tune. It's interesting to think about what types of connections kids will make to understand new technology.

Well, that's all I've got for now. I'll dole out the stories at a more even pace in the future!

What's Up with Desmond?

I haven't written about Desmond lately because I'm constantly running to keep up with him. He's very mobile now, walking everywhere and even occasionally trying to walk backwards. Recently he's started climbing into kitchen chairs. We have more "bleeding incidents" than ever before. I'm pretty sure it's adding to my gray hairs.

My favorite part of this age is watching Desmond learn to communicate. He gets so excited when he learns and uses a new word. Some of his favorite words are: no, shoe, clock, truck, mailman, mama, dada, vovo, oh-no, uh-oh, and up (which also means "down" sometimes).

He still loves animals. Several neighbors now make a special effort to let their pets out when Desmond is around so he can play with them.

R.I.P. dear Oliver. Desmond will miss trying to ride you.

Desmond loves trucks. I'm pretty sure Christmas is already his favorite holiday only because of all the delivery trucks parading up and down our street. He's made friends with the mailmen and trash men.

"Mom, stop taking pictures and pick out a tree already!"

Helping Dad hang the lights.

At his last check-up a couple of weeks ago, Desmond stood at 35 inches! One inch short of three feet tall.

Recently Desmond started taking one nap a day. That's been another exhausting adventure for me. I'm definitely still adjusting to having him around so much more. And hopefully his molars will be in by the end of the year. That will make all three of us happier.

I wasn't ready to make all these transitions during the Christmas season when there is so much to get done, but we're rolling with the punches.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Choosing Richness

I have confession to make. Before I became a parent, I remember hearing parents gratitude for small things in life and sometimes thinking it was kind of lame...or at least kind of sad.

For instance, was life as a parent really so tough that you were thankful for a trip alone to the grocery store? Or that waking up at 8 o'clock qualified as the luxury of "sleeping in?" I sometimes thought that life as a parent must be so hard and dreary that these people had drastically lowered their standards for happiness so as not to be bummed about their life of restriction.

You could look at it that way, but I think I was missing something beautiful. The blessings children bring into life are sometimes hard to describe, but they have made my life much deeper and richer than I ever would have imagined. I will admit that life with children has many restrictions. Yet for each restriction there are five more blessings, if you choose to see them.

If you choose to see them.

Recently I've been reminded by my friend Kate N. that we must pay attention in order to see the good things of life. This is more than a psychological exercise in happiness. Choosing to see and appreciate the small joys of life is not lame nor is it lowering your standards. I believe it is a more "real" experience of life.

Having a child helped me go deeper into an attitude of gratefulness, but children are not a pre-requisite for this mentality! Any of us can choose to dwell on the easily-overlooked treasures in our lives. They are waiting to be discovered in all sorts of unexpected places.

So this season, I am thankful for sleeping in until 8 or grocery shopping alone. I'm thankful for the privilege of helping Desmond grow and learn about the world. For walking through life as Peter's friend, partner-in-crime and lover. For the richness that comes through sacrifice for others. For the easy and hard life experiences, and the obvious and hidden blessings.

I am working on choosing to see how each one makes me who I am and makes my life more rich.

Deceptive Futility

As I cleaned out bits of food from the high chair for the ump-teenth time last week, I was reflecting on how futile it seemed. I would be cleaning out the same high chair again just a few hours later. Why bother?

There are a lot of things in parenting that seem futile. Repeating admonitions. "No touch." "Stay downstairs." Tackling the unending mountain of laundry. And diapers. And dishes. Did I mention the diapers?

Occasionally though, I get a glimpse of the importance of all these things.

Case in point, I get rather angry when Desmond is difficult at mealtime. I've learned to stop and take a deep breath when my frustration gets too high. Recently, I put the spoon down, closed my eyes and took a nice long breath. Feeling calmer, I opened my eyes to see Desmond smiling at me. He proceeded to take a deep breath and imitate me blowing it out slowly. We both cracked up.

I had no clue he notices those kinds of things. I'm glad he's imitating me doing that rather than throwing a spoon down. (He certainly doesn't need encouragement there!)

What else might he pick up from my daily habits? It's a reminder to persevere in tackling the dull, repetitive, "futile" parts of life with an attitude of excellence. And it's an encouragement to see them as a service to God and to little watching eyes.

(P.S. I may try to faithfully wipe down high chairs, but I still think making a bed is futile unless you live in a dorm room!)

Playing in the Leaves

This is for those of you who liked the other picture book post.

Who put me in a pile of itchy leaves? This is a terrible idea!

If I keep my hands high enough, maybe I won't have to touch this rotting mess.

Hmmm, the leaves do make a nice crunchy sound...perhaps I should reconsider.

Wait, this is a lot of fun! These people might actually know what they're doing.

New Frontiers

Desmond took his first few steps on Tuesday. He surprised me by sliding off my lap and stumbling over to his crib to get Thing 2 and then walking back to me. He has also dramatically increased the number of face-plants he does each day. Good for our little adventurer.

Sometimes when it rains it sometimes pours developmentally speaking. As I was making lunch today I turned around and saw this:

He has never successfully climbed on top of the couch before. A whole new world of "no touch" has opened up.

In other news, Peter and I are off to Dallas this weekend to see Sonia and Ian get married. We are going ALONE(!!), while Larry and Stephanie watch Desmond. This week I turned to Peter and excitedly said, "I can't wait for the flight. Four hours of reading when I want to, lingering over my drink, napping or going to the bathroom when I want to! We could even be delayed and it's not that big of a deal." Ah, how parenthood changes your outlook on life.

The World Is Too Much With Us

Something I've been thinking about lately.

The World Is Too Much With Us
by William Wordsworth

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. —Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

Halloween Indecision

Desmond thought about being a lion for Halloween.

Then he considered going as the spawn of Little Red Riding Hood.

Finally he settled on being some cool-cat Leopard.

He practiced sharing candy with Daddy.

Eventually decided that it was time to get his tail in bed.

Thing One, Thing Two

My dad gave Desmond a stuffed elephant when he was first born. It was originally from my dad and Sandra, but once Dad likened it to the Republican Party mascot, Sandra quickly withdrew her support. :-)

Desmond has become quite attached to the elephant. It's his security toy for sleeping. Every time he sees it, his face lights up and he races to give it a hug or kiss. It's quite cute.

I'm so grateful for something that helps him sleep well, I recently bought a back-up in case tragedy strikes. Desmond took it for a test run and found it acceptable. We may not have our life insurance situation figured out, but at least we've got a back-up elephant.

Until Des gets a competing political mascot, Republicans rule his crib.

Fractals

Desmond is showing increasing interest in the world around him. He particularly loves animals. It's a lot of fun to watch his face light up when he spots a dog, cat, squirrel, bird, etc.

He's also noticing things on the walls in the house a lot more. It's fun to teach him names of different things in his room. Like fish. Or map. Or fractal.

Oh yeah, did I ever mention we had a fractal blown up into poster size and frames for his room? I think decorating the baby's room is mostly for the parents. So as we prepared for Desmond, I decided that I wanted something that I thought both Desmond and I would find interesting. There's a cool site called Zazzle where you can purchase posters of fractals.

I should probably start working on my explanation of a fractal now...

Mini Books

I didn't realize Desmond's birthday cards would be gifts that kept on giving. He "re-reads" them almost every day. He gets so excited about them, I haven't had the heart to pack them away yet. I guess those keepsakes will be a little worse for the wear...but all the more loved!

Happy Thoughts - Part 2

A continuation in the Happy Thoughts series.

1. Kisses from Desmond
2. Sharing a good book with a friend
3. The motion of falling leaves
4. A good Indigo Girls' song
5. A yellow sky before a rain
6. Using local, in-season produce
7. An unexpected email from a friend
8. Remembering a dream when you wake up
9. Freshly scrubbed kitchen floor
10. Cooking with sharp knives
11. Sharing beauty of Trig functions
12. Snuggling with Peter when the weather is cold
13. Learning about the Church thriving in places of persecution
    

A few weeks of fun

We've had a fantastic couple of weeks. It's impossible to sum up all the fun moments, so I'll just give you some highlights.

My sister came to visit for a long weekend. We jogged together (with Desmond), watched planes land at Gravelly Point had leisurely talks over tea. Megan and Desmond had ample time to play together.

Meg and Des share a dance.

Peter helps Des not be scared of the landing planes.

Estatic giggles.

The next weekend Molly, Furman and Grant A. came to visit. Grant is three weeks older than Desmond. For some reason, Des seemed to enjoy playing with Grant more than any other kid his age so far. They entertained each other constantly, much to their parents delight. It was fun to hear the pattering of crawling babies around the house and watch them learn new tricks from each other. Molly and I cooked and walked and talked a lot. The guys took apart and reassembled computers. The boys visited a cool playground, Clemyjontri. Other than the fact that the boys exchanged colds, it was a fantastic weekend.

Our bookish boys take a break from wrestling each other.
(I didn't know one year olds would wrestle already.)

Furman, Grant and Molly
The grown-ups pose for a photo. Desmond and Grant took a nice picture, neh?

I wished we lived closer to Megan and Molly/Furman. Distance does make the heart grow fonder, because I cherished every moment with them!

Happy Birthday Desmond

Desmond turns one year old today. We had a wonderful lunch today with some of our friends to celebrate. Jeff E. made yummy cupcakes for Des and the rest of us. Too bad Desmond is still recovering from his cold. I think he couldn't fully taste his first introduction to the amazing world of processed sugar. He seemed to enjoy all the commotion anyway.

Des thanks Jeff with a smile for the cupcake.

We enjoy a hot dog lunch.

Mom and Dad are so proud of their son.

Reviewing a Year Through Books

Desmond is almost a year old. Hard to believe. One of the ways I'm remembering his first year is to look over all the books I've read. The first six months of nursing allowed me to read while Des ate. This was quite a luxury to me since I wasn't expecting to read much with a newborn around.

Despite the encouragement of my friend Kate N., I haven't started using Good Reads...yet. Until I do, here's a plain ol' text list of the books I've read in the past year. You'll see I went a bit heavy on the fiction, probably in reaction to all the pregnancy/baby books I read before Desmond arrive.

I didn't enjoy all of these books and I'm not endorsing all of them. I will say my favorites were Liar's Poker and Ender's Game.

The Haj, Leon Uris
Letters to My Younger Self, a collection of essays
The Drunkard's Walk, by Leonard Mlodinow
The Omnivore's Dilemma, by Michael Pollan
Chasing Fireflies, by Charles Martin
Things They Carried, by Tim O'Brien
The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch
The Hidden Art of Homemaking, by Edith Schaeffer
Liar's Poker, by Michael Lewis
Foucault's Pendulum, by Umberto Echo
Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
Click - What Millions of People Are Doing Online and Why It Matters, by Bill Tancer
Infidel, by Ayaan Hirsi Ali
Girlfriends' Guide to the First Year, Vicky Iovine
Secret Believers, Brother Andrew
Dakota: A Spiritual Geography, Kathleen Norris
Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
When Crickets Cry, Charles Martin
Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg
Happiest Baby on the Block, Harvey Karp
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - Marc Weissbluth
Babywise, Gary Ezzo
Life of Pi, Yann Martel
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
Ender's Game, Scott Orson Card
Speaker for the Dead, Scott Orson Card
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely
Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas Hofstadter (only the first third...it's going to take me forever to finish)

Not a Poser

My friend Holly R. once told me it takes about a year to find your identity after you have your first child. I think she's right.

I love being at home with Desmond. I'm grateful that I have the option to love, teach and grow with him each day. But after some soul searching during our vacation, I realized that I miss the intellectual stimulation from being in the work force. Sparing you my deliberations and brainstorming, it suffices to say that I decided to try tutoring high school students in math. It would allow me to brush up on my math skills, make a little bit of money, and allow me to help others. My high school math teachers changed my life for the better. I would be delighted if I could help someone to like math (or at least hate it less).

So I have my first (and, at the moment, only) student to tutor! She's taking AP Calculus, we've met once, and I'm *really* enjoying myself.

I have to confess that after seven years of not doing real math, I was starting to wonder if I was a bit of a poser. I'm quick to say that I love math, but what if I couldn't do it anymore?

Also, I am notorious for learning something then quickly forgetting the details. I claim that it's my learning style. I retain the big concepts and remember where to reference the details later. But what if I couldn't actually pick up the details of calculus again?

What if I were a big poser?

But, it's coming back to me! Picking up calculus again has been like sliding on your favorite pair of old shoes that you haven't worn in a while. It fits in all the right ways and makes you remember all the places you've been together. In fact, I've had so much fun brushing up on my calculus that it's been hard to make myself do anything productive in my free time this week.

So maybe I'm not a poser after all.

Happy Thoughts - Part 1

There are a lot of things that make me happy in life. I'm trying to be more intentional about dwelling on them. As Desmond fights off his first somewhat-serious illness (not counting the NICU), it's especially good to consider the good in life.

1. Babies or children laughing
2. A good tickle
3. Homemade ginger ale
4. Clean teeth
5. Anything daffodil
6. Working up a good sweat
7. My maiden name - Katharine Nicholette Knight
8. A skirt rustling in the wind
9. A good smelling husband (Peter is the least stinky white guy I know!)
10. Homemade granola
11. How my ponytail swishes against my back
12. Fibonacci sequence
13. Cooking with homegrown herbs
    

Florida

After time in the Outer Banks, the three of us flew down to southern Florida to visit my family in West Palm Beach and attend Peter's high school reunion in Miami.

Peter went to PACA in Brazil. I personally think there is some type of common thread that runs through most PACA kids that I've met. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it does make them special. I enjoyed hearing all the Portuguese and putting faces with names.

Everyone went on a bayside boat ride to see the amazing Miami coast and posh houses.

A few of the people at the reunion.

In West Palm Beach, we stayed with my cousin Susanne's family. They have two daughters Alexandra (6) and Julia (2.5). The girls and Desmond wore themselves out playing with each other and us. It was wonderful to see Desmond playing with his cousins, especially since that doesn't happen very often. (We never quite figured out if they are second cousins, second cousins once removed, etc. Who in the world understands all that stuff?!?)

Desmond also got to meet his great grandfather, Tom Knight. I was seriously impressed with my grandfather's ease with the baby. He's obviously practiced. :-)

Peter reads one of many stories to the kids.

Great Grandpa Knight loves on Desmond. Look at all the blue eyes!

Aunt Diane teaches Desmond to play the piano. She's got the magic touch with kids.