Charlotte Crawls

Classic tupperware shot.

In July Charlotte started crawling in earnest.  None of this army-style stuff for her. She rocked on all fours for a couple of weeks then started outright crawling.

I wondered if these milestones would be less moving the second time around.  They aren't.  It's really wonderful to watch your child work so hard to accomplish something.  The determination, perseverance, satisfaction they experience makes my heart sing.

Needless to say, she's into everything.  I'm trying hard to just keep her alive....more on that later.

Catch me if you can!

How did she wedge herself in there?

Maybe Desmond will drop some food for me.

Human Body

Last month, Des was been fascinated with the human body.  Beneficiaries of my newly retired mother cleaning out her school supplies, we have models of the human body, posters, books, etc.  It's been fun.

Here are some of the resulting discussions:

- (After an encounter with a stomach bug) "Boy Mom, my sphincter is going crazy!"

- "Oh I can't eat anymore, my liver won't let the preservatives through."

- "Are you sure girls don't pee out of their anuses?"

- "I can't eat that.  My esophogus won't let it through."

To Know and Be Known

I used to slightly resent the fact that my parents assumed they knew me so well.  My reasoning went, how could they "know" me when I was a mystery to myself half the time?

It's true humans are mysterious beings.  But I'm devloping a new appreciation for how intimately a parent knows his or her child.  Desmond can choose to share himself with guests or extended family - sweet or naughty, repetitive or clever - but none of them will see the full scope of his personality like Peter and I do. They won't see the full picture of his life that makes a one sentence comment deeply meaningful and insightful into his life.

It's a great responsibility and privledge to hold such an intimate view into a person.  May we weild it well.

Charlotte Eats

In early May we started feeding Charlotte solid foods. I've taken an approach loosely based on baby led weaning.  Basically you are encouraged to give your child food the rest of the family eats and let the baby feed himself/herself.  The idea is that your child will be able to physically feed herself what is age appropriate and better handle a wider variety of foods later.

I'm not as hard-core as they promote.  I feed Charlotte things with a spoon myself (yogurt, soup, etc.)  But I've only made one or two batches of purees for her.  It really has been much easier on me.  I think Charlotte might have less variety than Desmond did as a baby, but she definitely handles chunkier food better than he did.

I wanted to try baby led weaning for two reasons.  First, it just seemed like less work.  :-)  Second, we wanted to try and avoid some of Desmond's eating struggles.  Desmond was a fabulous eater as a baby.  I made all sorts of flavored purees for him with a wide ranges of foods nad spices.  At 14 months he became very rigid in what he would eat.  His list of "yes" foods was healthy, but he never ventured off the list.  While he's slowly becoming more flexible, it's still a struggle for him.

For those of you interested in the details, we started her off with soft foods like avocado and soft banana.  Gradually added foods like heavily steamed broccoli, tomatoes, fish, scrambled eggs, etc.  Before she had many teeth I would give her a stick of bell pepper or cucumber to gnaw on.  Once more teeth came in, she could bite off chunks that she couldn't chew, which was a problem.  Overall, I am amazed at how her gag reflex kicks in and keeps her from choking.  I was *so nervous* about Desmond choking as a baby.  It turns out, babies are pretty good at not choking.

While Charlotte eats almost anything we give her now, I'm sure that will change as she becomes a toddler.  So while I'm hopeful, I'm not counting on anything being easy!

Be warned, baby led weaning is really, really messy.

Thankfully there's usually a sink nearby afterwards!

Forts

We've had some fun forts in the past few months, but most of them were parent designed. Finally, Desmond is owning fort construction.  His first fort was also his first foray into the world of exclusive play.  He told us people with long legs were not allowed.  Hence we could not come in his fort.

No long legs allowed

Since then, he's learned he can make almost anything a fort or a nest.  For the particularly "cushy" forts, he likes to play in them naked because, "The cushions feel sooooo good on my body!"

A nest with pillows from all the bedrooms, books from his room and all clothes
 from his dresser.  Naked, of course.

Simplicity

Having a baby to care for slows down my whole world.  You can't rush a baby to eat faster.  Diapers must be changed.  Naps must be taken.  Sleep deprivation sometimes makes the minutes stand still.

I love efficiency and sometimes the slower pace of life is infuriating.  As I sit and nurse Charlotte I make lists of all the things I will do once I can move around again.  I did the same thing when Desmond was a baby.  However, sometimes I'm able to be in the moment.  To notice how the sunlight shines through the window at that particular time of day.  To listen carefully to the birds' songs and hear their variety.  To marvel at an inch worm slowly making its way across a leaf.  Efficiency isn't bad but to miss out on the sacred parts of everyday life robs me of the wonder of being alive.

I'm so grateful for my babies.  I'm grateful for the imposition of inefficiency they bring into my life.  It's good for my soul.

Love Without Reason

A friend recently asked me what I like most about Charlotte. I didn't have a great answer off the cuff. After thinking about it for a while there are two things.  First, I love the person she will somehow become. All the potential and future days that (hopefully) lay ahead of her.  Second, I cherish the love I have for her even though she gives me no reason to love her.  (OK, her cute smiles are starting to be a decent reason.)  It's amazing to me how much you can love a baby just because he or she is yours.  There's nothing else in my life that brings out that kind of selfless, reasonless love in me.

Sparkle Stories

I've found an audio story site for children that I love so much I just have to share.  On our recent trip to North Carolina to visit family (more about that soon), I decided to try out a subscription to Sparkle Stories.   It's a site that has several different story lines for various ages.  They publish one 20 minute episode a week for each story line.

Desmond loved them.  During the trip he begged to listen to more Sparkle Stories.  It made the 25+ hours of driving much more manageable.  His favorites are the Martin and Sylvia stories.  The stories are simple, beautiful, well told and subtly instructive. Even I enjoy listening.

If you'd like to try it out, they've shared a coupon code so it only costs $1 for over 12 hours of fantastic story tellings. You just log in each week and download the mp3 files and can cancel your subscription anytime. Use the info below:

The magic code: SPARKLEFRIENDS
The magic page:  www.sparklestories.com/trysparkle

I hope you enjoy it as much as we have!

Buzz Cut

Mid-March Peter gave Desmond a buzz cut that matches his own. Now everyone in the family has been shaved at one point or another except Charlotte.

I thought Desmond might be disturbed at having all his hair cut off. Definitely not so. The first thing he did was to run his hand over his head. His eyes lit up as he squealed, "My head feels just like Daddy's!" Then he raced over to Peter to rub heads together. The rest of the evening we'd find him in front of the mirror mumuring with approval, "Oh yeah, I like my buzz cut." He was so concerned that bathtime would "wash away his good looking hair cut."

Teething

Charlotte's first tooth broke through at four months! Desmond was an earlier teether, so I shouldn't be surprised. Its arrival coincided with a cold, so who knows how much of her fussiness is due to teething versus being sick.

I guess I can't let my guard down and doze off during those nighttime feedings anymore.

This one really has nothing to do with teething. I just love the look on Desmond's face.

Help

These first months, my mom's visits have been invaluable. It's been difficult to transition to two children mostly because Desmond has fully embraced being three years old. It's been all out war at times; him constantly testing boundaries while we try to be consistent and firm despite our exhaustion. It's a fine line between shaping a child's will without breaking his spirit. Desmond has such a beautiful spirit. We've learned he has a much stronger will than we realized.

So when my mom comes, it has been nice to have ample attention to give each child and extra energy to invest in consistently disciplining Desmond. Consistency has never really been my strong point. If I survive parenthood, hopefully I will have grown in that area.

Puzzle Expert

During the last quarter of 2011 Desmond's main interests centered around building things. He built with Legos, with wooden block, with his Georello (thanks Janna!), with about anything he could get his hands on.

We've now moved on to puzzles. Desmond excels at geography puzzles. He has several versions of United States puzzles. Recently a neighbor has begun loaning us puzzles of the continents. It has been a ton of fun doing these with him. I'm re-learning a lot of geography (geography Sporcle, here I come!). It also gives us a natural platform to discuss other countries. It's humbling for me. "No Mom, Montenegro touches the Adriatic Sea, not the Aegean Sea!"

He hasn't learned modesty. (Perhaps it's because he doesn't know the bad form of pride yet?) You'll hear him say, "Oh I don't need help. I'm a puzzle expert. I'm really good at puzzles." I have to admit, he's right most of the time.

Why?

Once upon a time, long long ago before I had a preschooler, I couldn't understand why parents would get complain about their child asking "why" a lot. I mean, "why" is one of the best questions out there!

I'm really enjoying all of Desmond's "why" questions, but they do get exhausting. For instance at the end of a long day, our conversation ranged across questions like:

- Are people in Afghanistan nice?

- Why do we buy our yogurt? (Grandma makes hers)

- Why would people loan other people their stuff?

At this last question, worn out, I muttered, "I don't know." Desmond stopped everything, glared at me and said, "Mom you DO know. You know everything. Please don't say 'I don't know.' I REALLY need to know the answers."

How can that not warm your heart? I'm trying to suck it up and give thoughtful answers.

His "joking" lecture face.

Angry Bear

Apparently the bear outfit isn't very popular. Can you tell which one is Desmond and which is Charlotte?

Did the old couch probably give it away? Desmond is on top and Charlotte is on the bottom.

Third Month

Sleeping next to my birthday flowers, snuggled under Gran's blanket.

Learning to reach for things with Aunt Meg's "Ms. Whosit" (which reminds me of Wrinkle in Time).

Enjoying the mild winter. I normally love snow and cold temperatures,
but was grateful for a mild winter with a newborn.

2011 - A Year of Questions

2011 has been a year of questioning for me. There have been precious few sacred cows that haven't come under my scrutiny. It's been exhausting and scary. It's difficult to question things well. Deciphering what your true doubts are, seeking real answers, discerning when you must accept uncertainty takes emotional, spiritual and sometimes even physical energy, especially when you're questioning things that are really important to you and your worldview.

Before this year, I viewed myself as having a fairly large gray area of beliefs - at least for a Christian. By "gray area" I mean issues where there isn't a clear answer, even if I have a leaning towards a stance, I can't say for sure it's correct. This year's wandering have forced me to consider that perhaps that area of gray should be even larger. At one point, I realized I should be seeking levels of confidence, not certainty, on a lot of issues. (Spoken like a statistician, right?)

People who are supremely confident in their beliefs have irked me at times. In reality though, I'm mostly just jealous. I miss "knowing what I know." I've had to go through a bit of a grieving period in trying to let it go.

After months of wrestling, I at least know what some of my questions are. It's a little discouraging that's all the progress I've made. With a newborn in the house, I'm in survival mode and don't have the energy to deal with it. I hope this year wasn't in vain. I hope I won't abandon my quest, but will just pause for a while. I hope I'll have the courage to continue.

Second Month

I think my relatives just about had a heart attack when we received this dress for Charlotte at Christmas and I exclaimed that this was her first dress. :-) While I don't think we'll have more children, if we did I would remind myself that for the first three months, I prefer to keep babies (at least winter babies) mostly in their PJ's. It's just easier. I had forgotten how stressful it is to pull little arms and legs through all those clothes!

First dress.

I love seeing the difference in head size in this one.

This is the quintessential sibling photo....he begged to hold her
while I took a picture of them, yet they both aren't crazy about the idea.

First smiles

Being the second child didn't diminish the joy of having Charlotte start to smile. Making a baby smile is one of the happiest things in the world. All of my insides just lit up with happiness to watch her begin to smile.

Foot Cuddle

It's tough to let a three year old love on a newborn. At first, it mostly looked like this:

Then Desmond came up with a way he could cuddle with Charlotte without me. It looked like this:

We're calling it "foot cuddling." We spent about half an hour listening to music and foot cuddling this morning. It is heart warming to see Desmond so excited to be able to interact with his sister. In the meantime, she's carefree, oblivious to the "loving" dangers all around her.

First Month

We were fortunate to have family in town the first couple weeks after Charlotte's birth. Thankfully my recovery from the c-section was much smoother this time. It's amazing how much more you enjoy having a new baby around when you aren't experiencing surgery complications for yourself.

Snuggling and reading. I went through a nostalgic phase and re-read
a lot of my old favorite Madeline L'Engle books.

Best. Idea. Ever. Stephanie made up a little bed for Charlotte in this plastic container. It let us set her on the dining room table to sleep and easily carry her up and down stairs without waking her. Putting her in the box (uncovered of course!) also helped Desmond respect Charlotte's space while he adjusted to having a delicate baby around. She is just on the verge of out growing it in this photo. Thankfully I remembered to take a photo before she totally out grew it.

It was harder this time for me to restart using cloth diapers. I suppose the novelty was gone. But I slowly worked back into it. And I'm super grateful to be reusing Desmond's diapers with Charlotte.

A Birth Story

NOTE: We are going to rewind the clock and replay the past few months via the blog as I catch up on what the kids have been up to.

I'm going to share Charlotte's birth story. For those of you who are squeamish, read on.

November 3rd. My mom arrives to watch Desmond. Peter and I go out to Sweetwater for dinner. I eat more than humanly possible. We come home, I drink a glass of wine (nurse's "orders") and sleep soundly the whole night through.

Novmeber 4th. Wake up. Shower. Drive to hospital. At 9:03am, they cut me open. At 9:13am Charlotte Fern is born.

Story over.

Ah the joys of a scheduled c-section. It's not what I would ideally wish for, but it's my situation, so I make the best of it. (Note: Now that Charlotte is four months old, I look back on her birth and don't feel the ambiguous feelings of regret over the c-section that I felt at the time. Just having a healthy, thriving baby is really what is important.)

I must say, it is *fascinating* to experience a major surgery while awake. To listen to all the doctors and nurses work together so efficiently and smoothly. To hear their small talk as they sew you up. A medical student was observing, so I got to hear their instructive comments to her.

This time around I was actually more nervous than last time. Probably because I wasn't exhausted from 12 hours of (mild) labor. I was nervous the spinal tap would wear off in the middle of the surgery. Nervous that I would get a blood clot. Nervous that Charlotte wouldn't be OK. As soon as I heard her crying, all my fears dissolved and I could "relax." (A funny thing to say when you can't feel 75% of you body anyway.)

The weirdest part of the whole process was to feel them pushing and pulling on your mid-section. It didn't hurt at all, but I suspected someone was behind the curtain whacking me with a baseball bat and doing push-ups on my stomach. I kept thinking, "Surely that will hurt later." It did, but not that badly.

I think I mentioned this when Desmond was born, but it deserves repeating. The staff at INOVA Fairfax Hospital are incredible. They do their jobs thoroughly, professionally, excellently and without a hint of complaining (at least to the patients). It was inspiring to both Peter and me to be served by them.